The Difference Between a Civil and a Humanist Ceremony
Humanist wedding ceremonies aren’t new; they have been carried out for hundreds of years. But right now, they’re more popular than ever before. Every year, there is a steady increase in Humanist ceremonies happening all over the UK and indeed the world.
As more couples are considering humanist ceremonies, I want to share what they actually are, what it involves, and the key differences between a civil ceremony and a humanist ceremony.
Firstly, let’s look at religious vs. non-religious ceremonies
Religious wedding ceremonies in a church or other religious establishment used to be the only real option for couples wanting to get married.
If you don’t have a religious belief, it can feel insincere getting married “in the eyes of god”. Marrying under these terms can feel inauthentic and meaningless, which isn’t really an idea way to start your married life together!
In the last national census, over 40% of people in the UK identified as “non-religious”. So what options are there for a huge proportion of people who don’t want a religious ceremony?
Having a civil ceremony is one option, but there is also a Humanist led ceremony, what many couples are now choosing to opt for.
What does a Civil Ceremony look like?
If you’ve been to a wedding in a registry office or a licensed venue, chances are it will have been a civil ceremony. These are conducted on the day by registrars and an assistant from your local authority.
While a civil ceremony is also non-religious in nature, it differs greatly from a Humanist ceremony.
Registrar lead civil ceremonies are legally binding, but can feel rather generic – a bit like “once you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all”. They are bound by all kinds of restrictions and adhere to a strict framework, including legal wording, a strict time duration and very little flexibility in content. While a couple can choose to have readings as part of their civil ceremony, it can feel very scripted and a little “insert couples name here”, with no flexibility or real personalisation.
With civil ceremonies, the couple will meet the person marrying them on the day of the ceremony, normally about 30 minutes before the service. Everything else is done via booking portals on council websites. The couple and registrar don’t have any relationship outside of this, so it can sometimes feel like a total stranger is presiding over the most important occasion in your life.
Regardless of whether you’re getting married in a licensed venue or the registry office, civil registrars have a tightly packed schedule of several couples that they are marrying back-to-back in tight 15-minute slots. This can sometimes feel short, inflexible and too formal.
Civil ceremonies are extremely strict with no religious content whatsoever allowed. So, while the couple being married may have no religious beliefs, including any reference to religion to appease a very religious older family member, say, is strictly forbidden. Couples may also find the registrar challenging, insisting on changes or not allowing poetry, songs and readings that contain any reference to religion whatsoever.
Humanist Ceremonies:
A Humanist wedding ceremony is something rather different all together.
In comparison, Humanist ceremonies are absolutely packed with personality and individuality. They are tailored to the couple specifically and include all kinds of lovely handpicked personal references and anecdotes about them, both as individuals and together, and their love. They feel meaningful and authentic to each couple – no two ceremonies are the same.
They feel so unique and can jump from being hilarious one minute to moving and tear jerking the next. They are full of love and perfectly capture the couple and their lives together. They can be as traditional or quirky as a couple like, and often include key family members and the couple’s friendship group too.
As a Humanist celebrant, I often have people coming up to me after the ceremony saying that they absolutely loved it and have never seen anything like it before.
Normally, a couple will meet with a few celebrants for coffee and get to know each other, before choosing someone who fits them perfectly. They will pick someone they get on with well, someone who understands them as individuals and as a couple, and is onboard with everything they want in their wedding. Once the celebrant has been chosen, they will go away and write a unique script tailor-made for them.
Here are some popular questions people ask me about Humanist wedding ceremonies:
Can I have a humanist wedding anywhere?
Yes! The beauty of a Humanist ceremony is that it can happen literally anywhere! You don’t have to be in a licensed venue – it could be an outdoor wedding ceremony in a field, a back garden, on a clifftop, a beach, on a boat, a rooftop, really, they can be anywhere you can think of – the world is your oyster.
What should be included in a Humanist ceremony?
Humanist ceremonies are often deeply creative and packed with things you wouldn’t see in a normal ceremony. They can include all kinds of content. This includes poetry, song, spoken words and readings of any kind. It’s very common in Humanist ceremonies to see beautiful original symbolic acts and rituals, too.
There is no strict yes or no. What should be included is exactly what works for you.
Do you have to be a humanist to have a humanist wedding?
While Humanists themselves are mainly atheists or agnostic, you certainly don’t have to be a Humanist or hold these beliefs to have, or attend, a Humanist ceremony. Humanist ceremonies tend to be more flexible than registrars with regards to respecting the beliefs of key family members and wedding attendees, too. Even though they may not hold the same belief themselves, some couples feel that it is important for a particularly religious close family member to have their traditions honoured at the wedding. A good Humanist celebrant will find a way of being inclusive for all, and will have lots of suggestions for ways to make everyone feel included on the day itself, regardless of belief.
Are Humanist Ceremonies legally binding?
Humanist wedding ceremonies currently aren’t legally binding in England, but in Scotland and Northern Ireland they are and have been for some time. England and Wales need to catch up with the rest of the UK, and currently things look to be moving in the right direction. Humanists UK and several other influential groups have been petitioning against this for a long while, and there have been several High Court cases that have been won. There are expected to be changes after the publication of the recommendations of the Law Commission in June 2022, which mean that Humanist marriages will be legally binding. So it is a case of when, not if.
Until then, couples will need to have a legal wedding as well as their Humanist ceremony. Some couples choose to have their legal wedding on a different day or in the morning before their Humanist ceremony with friends and family.
What do Humanists actually believe?
Humanism is essentially a simple, non-religious philosophy to live life by. The general principal is that we only have one life, so it is about living today in a kind, honest and moral way. Humanists values are based on our lived experience, instead of a moral code based on religion and notions of “good” and “evil” – instead treating others as we would like to be treated ourselves, putting values like fairness, humanity, equality and love high on the list. Humanists want to live a good life independent of religious or supernatural belief.
You may have heard of Humanist funerals or other types of Humanist ceremonies. Like with weddings, the overriding principal is all about a celebration of life. Just because there is no religious belief, rites of passage still deserve to be honoured in a respectful, deeply ritualistic way.
How do I find a Humanist Celebrant?
If this sounds like something you like the idea of, you can find Humanists UK accredited celebrants like me on the “Find a Celebrant” search tool on the Humanist UK website. Humanists UK is not only the benchmark of impeccable learning, training all of their celebrants to a high standard. It is also a charity that does incredible work fighting tirelessly against all kinds of discrimination and intolerance. They were instrumental in legalisation of same sex marriage in the UK, and were also a key player with regards to the reformation of abortion law in Northern Ireland.
I’m very proud to be affiliated with them and the amazing work that they do. A portion of the income for every ceremony I do goes back to them to continue the amazing work that they are doing.
Get in touch with me to find out more about how I work. I am a wedding celebrant in Brighton, but travel all over the UK as well as abroad.