Real Wedding at The RSA, London

In June, I had the pleasure of marrying the lovely Nicole and Martin in the The Royal Society for Arts, Commerce and Manufactures. I hadn’t done a wedding at the RSA before now but WOW, it makes such a stunning central London wedding venue.

These two met over a decade ago and got together more recently, after bonding over their love of Bob Dylan, the Rolling Stones and all things art and culture. They are wonderfully adventurous — they travelled southern Africa together in a camping vehicle, and when Martin was heading off on a 5-month motorbike trip just after they got together — riding from Alaska to Argentina — Nicole got her license so she could join him. She became the youngest woman to have ever completed that challenge.

With a shared non-religious outlook and Martin’s background in the natural sciences, a Humanist wedding ceremony was an obvious choice for them.

Plus, Nicole is a wedding videographer. She’s seen wedding ceremonies done in every way – and knew from the off that a celebrant-led ceremony was the only option for them. It was such a pleasure to marry another wedding supplier. They got ready together in their hotel room the morning of the wedding. They also spent time with their photographer in central London before the day started, capturing iconic photos in record stores and even on the tube. I don’t know why more couples don’t do this — it made for the most fabulous photos.

At the end of the night, Nicole joined the band for a Beatles rendition. It doesn’t get much cooler than a bride on drums!

How did you find out about celebrant ceremonies and what made you decide to have one?

Being in the industry, I knew how personal and beautiful celebrant led ceremonies are, so when we got engaged, this was a decision we were certain of. Then, like fate, I stumbled across Roxy on Instagram and knew she was the perfect match to what our wedding would be.

How was the process of creating your wedding ceremony?

We felt very lucky being able to have a say and a personal insight to how our ceremony would be, this is one of the many benefits of having a humanist ceremony. Deciding what we wanted included in the ceremony became a very sentimental and grounding element in the whole wedding planning process, and it involved us reflecting on our relationship and remembering how our journey had taken us to this point.

Looking back at the day, how did the ceremony feel?

Now our day is over, we remember our ceremony as being sincere and honest, as well as a few fun moments. We received so many comments on how personal and emotional our ceremony was, and many people commented that it was the best wedding ceremony they had ever seen.

I was so nervous in the moments before I entered the room to walk down the aisle, but seeing two familiar faces at the end of the aisle – Roxy and my then future husband, Martin, negated that and I relaxed and managed to absorb all the beautiful words and sentiments.

What was the most special part of your ceremony and why?

We were given the option to write our own vows. This was daunting at first, and we decided to keep them secret from each other on the day, which was difficult. It paid off, because we each said that hearing the others vows, and saying our promises to each other and in front of all our friends and family, felt monumental. I also massively enjoyed our sing-along moment; it was lovely to have a break from all the emotion and just have fun with our guests.  

Tell me about your vows.

Our vows kept our wedding meaningful to us. We did not get married legally on our wedding day, we did that the following Monday in a registry office, but the vows were the important part of our ceremony to us. We had agreed that we would say what we really meant, and really wanted to be remembered throughout our marriage. We wanted them to be equal in terms of length and mood, so we individually sent them to Roxy and she assured us they suitably matched.

What would you say to couples considering a celebrant ceremony?

You would NEVER regret having a humanist ceremony. It was invaluable getting to know the person who would marry us, rather than a stranger turning up. The flexibility around what we wanted to include, and the personal recommendations for readings and rituals, AND the power to choose who will conduct the ceremony, makes the decision a no-brainer.

How did your wedding ceremony tie in with the rest of your wedding day?

We knew the ceremony would set the vibe for the day, which it did. People had laughed, cried, cheered, greeted each other, and sung in the first hour of the wedding. Our ceremony was modern and mature, which are the words which guided our whole day, so it was very fitting.

How did your ceremony go down with you guests?

Endless comments on our ceremony. People heard things about us they never knew, and people still laugh about some of the things we had secretly said to Roxy about what we love about each other. We have had to explain the concept of humanist weddings to some of our guests as this ceremony has inspired other guests who plan to get married.

How would you describe the vibe/style/look & feel of your day?

It was important to us to remember there are no rules to a wedding day. We woke up, got ready, and travelled to the wedding together. I walked myself down the aisle, we had no family on the top table, we had no group photographs and we cut and ate the cake at the drinks reception. We felt we are grown-ups, paying for our own wedding and we didn’t want to do something just because we felt we should. And we wanted our wedding to be mature, so we had no theme, no colour scheme – if anything our theme was ‘no theme’

What's the best piece of advice you would give to other couples getting married?

There really are no rules, think about what’s important to you and make sure you do it. Make sure you spend as much time with your guests, and with your new husband or wife as possible, you’ll regret it if you don’t.

If anything goes wrong on the day, it doesn’t matter. Nobody knows what’s meant to be happening so nobody will even notice.

Also, somebody said to me “the bride sets the vibe for the day”. I wanted everybody to be relaxed and happy, which is exactly what I was and it seemed to work.

Did you do the legal bit before or after your ceremony? How did you combine the two together?

We got legally married two days after our official wedding day. We got an early slot at Old Chelsea Town Hall, which is where Martin is from. We got a taxi there and had a coffee, met two friends who witnessed us. I wore a red dress, with my wedding jacket, and Martin wore a casual summer jacket and trousers.

After, we had a lovely stroll along the Thames and a lunch at a smart Chelsea restaurant. It was excellent to have a second, very different wedding day. My bouquet was still gorgeous and I managed to gather some leftover flowers from the venue for a bouquet for Clare.

What did you love most about planning your ceremony?

We loved every meeting with Roxy, she was very generous with her time and she was genuinely interested in us and our relationship. Some of the questions she asked us really stirred the emotions and kept us in touch with why we were getting married.

Tell me about your location. How did you decide on the London wedding venue?

 The RSA was the only venue we viewed, we loved that it wasn’t predominantly a wedding venue and the building and the society held a lot of history and a lot of values we shared. We also were keen to have an indoor wedding so we didn’t have to worry about the weather being imperfect (too hot, too cold, chance of rain, too windy, too sunny), and we really loved that The RSA had three quite different rooms to hold different parts of the day in, with an awesome party space.

What do you remember most about your ceremony?

We remember looking around the room to see 108 people present who we love, all smiling at us, all bringing different aspects of our varied lives to one perfect moment.

If you could do the day all over again, is there anything you’d change?

No, nothing, it was perfect for us.

Suppliers:

Venue: The Royal Society for Arts

Bride suit: Clements and Church

Veil: Julie, My Beloved Bride

Hair & Make-up: Lilia Mullinger

Groom suit: Richard James on Saville Row

Photographer: Gavin Hardy

Hotel: Ham Yard Hotel

Videographer: Philip White

Band: Cosmic Balloon

Flowers: Their friend Reanna and Martin’s niece Clare

Readings:

Carl Sagan

The size and age of the Cosmos are beyond ordinary human understanding. Lost somewhere between immensity and eternity is our tiny planetary home; and yet our species is young and curious and brave and shows much promise. In the past few millennia we have made the most astonishing and unexpected discoveries. They remind us that humans have evolved to wonder, that understanding is a joy, that knowledge is prerequisite to survival.

Our little planet floats like a mote of dust in the morning sky. All that you see, all that can be seen, exploded out of a star billions of years ago and the particles slowly arranged themselves into living things, including all of us. We are made of star stuff. We are the mechanism by which the universe can comprehend itself. The world is so exquisite with so much love and moral depth. We should remain grateful every day for the brief but magnificent opportunity that life provides.

The sum of all our evolution, our thinking and our accomplishments is love. A marriage makes two fractional lives whole. It gives to two questioning natures a renewed reason for living. It brings a new gladness to the sunshine, a new fragrance to the flowers, a new beauty to the earth and a new mystery to life.

The Amber Spyglass

I will love you forever; whatever happens.

Till I die and after I die,

and when I find my way out of the land of the dead,

I’ll drift about forever, all my atoms,

till I find you again…

I’ll be looking for you, every moment, every single moment.

And when we do find each other again,

we’ll cling together so tight that nothing and no one’ll ever tear us apart.

Every atom of me and every atom of you

We’ll live in birds and flowers and dragonflies and pine trees and in clouds and in those little specks of light you see floating in sunbeams

And when they use our atoms to make new lives,

they won’t just be able to take one,

they’ll have to take two,

one of you and one of me.

Interested in a humanist wedding? As a London wedding celebrant, I can help you create your dream day. Contact me today to see if we’re a match.