Back in March, I had the pleasure of marrying the lovely Elisah & Derek at the Oak Barn.

These two met online in 2019 and instantly hit it off. Elisah knew by the end of their first date — which consisted of a roast with lashings of red wine — that Derek was a keeper. This was when Zoe, her Dashaud, who can be hesitant with new people, was curled up on his lap. From that moment, Zoe loved Derek more than anyone.

Things escalated and they got their second sausage dog, Eddie, the same month that his namesake, Eddie van Halen passed away. Their little family of four live together in Kent, after Elisah left London to join Derek for a more rural lifestyle.

They combined their surnames and coined a new surname together – the van Allen’s.

Their humanist wedding ceremony cumulated with a ceremonial shot of their favourite tipple…tequila, of course!

Derek and Elisah are both big fans of the TV show, Ted Lasso. They told me about one scene in particular where Roy shares his views on Rebecca’s blind date: “He’s fine. But it’s not about him. It’s about why the f- you think he deserves you. You deserve someone who makes you feel like you’ve been struck by f-ing lightning. Don’t you dare settle for fine.” It’s safe to say that these two found their lightning.

I caught up with Elisah recently to ask her all about their day…

How did you find out about humanist wedding ceremonies and what made you decide to have one?

We knew we didn’t want to have a registrar or ‘official’ ceremony as they’ve always feel a bit impersonal and stuffy to us; we also thought it’d be nice to get the legal bit done privately.

We’d originally wanted to ask a friend to marry us, but we couldn’t agree on anyone that knew us both well enough, so we started researching other options and that’s when we came across humanist wedding ceremonies.

It felt like a great option for us as we could tell our story in a personal and meaningful way with someone we could trust to present it all beautifully and professionally!

How was the process of creating your humanist wedding ceremony?

So easy! Roxy spent an hour questioning us about our relationship and it was really fun to take a trip down memory lane. Getting the drafts and working on the ceremony together also meant that we were 100% on the same page on the actual day.

Looking back at the day, how did the ceremony feel?

Perfect — it was funny, sweet, interesting, personal and just long enough :)

What was the most special part of your ceremony and why?

One of our favourite bits was that Roxy asked us individually what we love about each other, and we only heard this for the first time on the day - it was really special and took the pressure off exchanging vows ourselves (we knew we’d be a bit too emotional for that haha!)

And of course, the tequila!

What would you say to couples considering a humanist celebrant ceremony?

If you’re after less formality and want to mix up the traditional ceremony structure, it’s definitely the best way to do it as pretty much anything goes. Roxy’s also at hand to suggest readings, entrances, audience participating, etc – there’s no shortage of creativity with her!

How did your humanist wedding ceremony tie in with the rest of your wedding day?

We think it really set the scene for the type of day we wanted - less traditional than some weddings, but very focused on our love of each other and sharing the day with the most special people we know.

How did your ceremony go down with you guests?

They loved it! Many of them told us they wish they’d known about humanist wedding ceremonies when they got married / asked about doing similar for their future weddings.

How would you describe the vibe/style/look & feel of your day?

Rustic / boho with modern touches and lots of colour!

Did you do the legal bit before or after your ceremony?

We did the bare minimum for our legal ceremony and only had 2 witnesses, so we asked my parents to come.

It wasn’t really meant to be ‘celebrated’ as we wanted to focus on the wedding as our day to celebrate instead - but it was still very special to say our legal vows and share that with family.

What did you love most about planning your ceremony?

The readings were fun to choose and choosing who to do them. Reading the ceremony from top to end for the first time together

Tell me about your wedding location. How did you decide on the venue?

We only saw the oak barn when doing venue research and fell in love with it instantly. Loved its location, rustic charm and modern finishes. Loved the sustainable angle and that it was close to home.

What do you remember most about your ceremony?

Walking in and seeing all our guests in the same place for the first time, vows, tequila, the beautiful music, stationary, flowers and furniture hire all coming together.

What's the best piece of advice you would give to other couples getting married?

Enjoy the process, take your time over decisions, use Pinterest and trust your gut. Don’t let anyone influence your vision — it’s your day and should be about you and you only!